


She is touching my hand (!!???!?!?!??!!!??)

by Kealpos



Series: So, chunks, huh? [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anyways, Gen, This?? Sucks?????? It was inspired by a Tangled photo post????, first in a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 18:18:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12989787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kealpos/pseuds/Kealpos
Summary: JeremySlight Physical Intimacy Issues





	She is touching my hand (!!???!?!?!??!!!??)

_ Squip _

 

“Ow!”

What did we say about masturbation?

“I was just gonna.. Check my email.”

 

Jeremy rubbed his shoulder, his body calming down from a small jolt of pain that the Squip had just forced him through. Dammit, the guy never said anything about this; Rich either. His sex drive flew out the window, and routine followed. It would've been creepy to crank the hog with a Keanu Reeves look-alike in the room anyways.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Brooke _

 

“You don't have to be alone right now,” the blonde said, lips pouting in front of Jeremy.

 

Jeremy swept away a leftover tear from the weird breakdown the Squip had caused him to have over Eminem in front of one of the hottest girls in the school, because of course it did.

 

The Squip hovered behind him as Brooke Lohst dragged him behind the school, beaming up at him. She was saying something, but he more or less ignored it until Jeremy felt the prickle of static building under his shirt.

 

Jeremy immediately swept into what the Squip said, which was some bullshit about how Brooke was a major upgrade over Madeline or whatever.

 

Alright, Jeremy. She trusts you and is touched, all you have to do now to fulfill the first step of the ‘Christine' mission is ki ss her…. Now.

Jeremy leaned down slightly, kissing her on the lips, gently.

Damn , the Squip had said with a smirk, though Jeremy knew it was in a positive way.

 

Throughout the relationship, the Squip had restricted and coerced Jeremy into whatever personal space he had with Brooke. 

Where he wanted to card his fingers through her hair, the Squip scolded him for, buzzing his hands numb until Jeremy felt stupid about even thinking of doing it.

Where he wanted to greet with a hug, he would be forced to change into a kiss or else that was another day he was out of taking a diet break. 

 

Eventually, he learned how to maneuver around Brooke with touching.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Christine _

 

“The guy that I’d kinda be into is..”

Lean in. 88% chance she will kiss you if you do.

 

Jeremy leaned forwards, their foreheads close to touching, his eyes soft, her closed, as he waited for her to finish the sentence. 

 

“Is?” He asked, desperately wanting her to confess. Then, opening her sparkly eyes, she whispered, almost embarrassedly, “Jake!”

Jeremy felt crushing under his feet as he jerkily pulled back from Christine and faked a grin, shooting her a thumbs up.

 

He sat back, dazed and confused, the Squip eerily quiet as it watched as Christine went back to looking over her lines almost immediately.

 

Take out your phone. Pretend to check around on it. Pause. Look distressed.

Jeremy followed each command to a tee before suddenly he felt static roll through his body and he was puppeted out by the Squip.

  
  


After the upgrade, things became.. Weirder. He wouldn’t sit next to Christine anymore, which he really missed, and one day Christine had approached him, puppy-eyed and asked if she had upset him. The Squip made a cool response about how he thought he should hang next to Brooke now that they were dating, but he offered his number so that maybe they could be close friends. Christine had grinned at him and allowed him to input his number, later spamming him with purple hearts galore.

 

When he texted Christine, the Suip left him alone, it let him be himself, only correcting minor spelling issues or pointing out when a story didn’t make sense. Jeremy found relief in texting Christine. With her, he wasn’t disgusting or unworthy of love. He just wished he could get a hug through text. He seemed to be leaning into Brooke’s touches more than usual, even if the Squip always stopped before he went too far.

 

The Halloween party with.. Everyone was a massive fail, but with the Squip gone, he got to act like he did in texts. Real. But he didn’t even get to touch her before he messed it up. He felt really cold that night.

 

The play was so so crazy, and everything went wrong. But. 

 

“You are the person I want to be with every day. And this is something that I’ve been afraid to say.”

“That is not Christine.”

 

Christine was never scared to say what she felt. It couldn’t be her. The Squip assured.

Christine opened her arms and that was permission to touch her. To be touched. To hug her. And Jeremy ran into her arms. What a weakling, maybe, but it felt so nice to hold someone without being commanded to. Except, he was given permission. He was frightened. He was loving. He never got to show it.

He had to stop holding Christine, and he was sad. And he was screaming.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Chloe _

 

I̺͔͕͎ ̲̗̰̗͔̝̙th͖i̩̦̼̜̥nk ̤̱̙̟͍ͅw̲̠̙͝e ̷̻͈͉̞̞͍a҉̬͕̘̞l̻̹͓͝r̫̹̙̱̘e̤̺̹̠ąd͚ͅy͓̗͎̺̞̗ ҉̝̲̗ͅkn͘o͍w͇̦͔͘ ̺̟͘w͕̠͔̠̣̲h̫͔͘a̸͇̮͔̭̤t̼͙̥̘̟͡ ̶̝̹͕̲̱͕h͔̼̙͈͘a̦͚̗̣̦͚͙͝p̠̺͔̰̙p͡ͅe̳̘̖n̛̮̮̫e̤̖̙͕͙d͙̻̜̤͎͚̱͟ ̧̮̘w̗͇̭̞͖̼i̹̳̺͈th̹̺͇ ̪͎͔̖̩͍̟͝h͞e҉r̵,͍̦̪̗̺̦͚͟ ̺̙̞̘̤͚do҉̺͕̙͙n̘̖̮'͍̭͍t̷ ̛̰̣͇͕͔̰̣w҉̤e̴?̝̗ͅ

  
  


* * *

 

 

_ Rich _

 

He never did get to play a game at Rich’s house, but he was often forced to touch or be touched by Rich. And the Squip made sure he never, ever flinched or covered his face, no matter how much it was in his second nature to. 

 

Joke punches, slaps on the back, yelling before a hi-five; those all had involuntary reflexes that were suppressed, 100% always.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Jake _

 

They never really interacted, but everything he did was on the same level as Rich.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Michael _

 

Michael… Jeremy always got to touch Michael before. They were close and comfortable, they tickled, they teased, they had a hi-five. Almost nothing was off-limits.

 

Now Jeremy couldn’t even see him. Most of the time. 

The Squip had explained one day that the optic nerve blocking was a fancy name, and the most it did was perfect the glance so that the blocked wouldn’t be in line of site. Divert, if you will. Blocking it completely could cause issues such as blindness of the complete eye. Jeremy went over the conversation whenever the Squip slipped.

 

He would sit, perfectly, eerily still in his seat and then he’d look, and in the corner of his eye, he’d see Michael. Watching the clock, writing in his journal, tapping, chewing, staring at him even. It was corrected immediately.

 

Michael looked like he wanted a hug at the play but. No permission. They never needed permission to hug before though, unless something really bad happened. An echo of static wriggled down his spine. Permission.

 

In a coma, he could swear he felt someone holding his hand.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Post _

 

“What did you guys get on the test?”

Jeremy sat down at his lunch table, Chloe picking at her food and asking the question while he slowly ate his. Food felt weird now.

 

“French or science?” Christine asked, sitting down next to Jenna, a lunchbox in her hand, anime Romeo and Juliet on the front. Jeremy was practically swooning.

 

“French. Hey, Mickel!” Chloe replied before spotting a red hoodie and standing up to shout at him.

Michael turned slowly, most of the student body doing the same. He made a small point at himself, mouthing “Me?” before slowly walking over.

 

Since no one seemed to be warding him away, Michael took that as a positive, and Jake moved, giving Michael space next to Jeremy. Michael sat down, making sure not to make a sound, before the others went back into the conversation. 

 

Michael looked at him warmly before patting him on the back and starting to eat his own food, and Jeremy sat there, suddenly dumbstruck.

What was that for? What had he done? Why did Michael touch him, what did it mean?

 

Jeremy didn’t know.

His friends looked a little concerned.

 

Jeremy was dumbstruck and his friends were concerned for the following reasons: Christine had given him a hug after he had asked her out; Brooke had grabbed his arm to get his attention; Chloe had grabbed and held his hand to inspect his nails; Rich had poked his face; Jake had touched one of Jeremy’s legs; Michael did.. Anything with touching Jeremy.

 

Why were people touching him? Where were the warnings, why wasn’t anyone saying anything.

 

Jeremy never touched anyone first. 

 

Christine had a serious talk with him about it a month into the relationship.

 

“Something’s wrong, Jeremy! You never touch me unless I touch you first. Or anyone for that matter! Me and the others always have to start touching you. I’m really, really tired of that, both in a friend way and in a girlfriend way.”

“I..” Jeremy had started, pausing to think about it.

 

Christine had brought him to her house, and she was sunk in the couch next to Jeremy, her arms folding around herself. Jeremy was still and straight, arms tucked into place, a movie that had been playing before Christine had blown up still running on the screen.

 

“I never realize I’m supposed to touch you,” Jeremy finally said. “I don’t get it. Cause, like, someone’s supposed to say it, right? Or, I ‘unno. So, holding arms out is a hug. Hands hanging close and brushing is hand holding. Leaning close to the face with puckered lips is a kiss. Those are the signals I get. But I don’t.. Ever really get those? The Squip always regulated touching, always drilled the signals into me, always stopped my touching or.. Whatever. Is. Am I missing some signs?”

 

Jeremy hadn’t looked at Christine while he talked, but he finally turned to her, and her face was filled with worry.

“I.. I don’t think that’s normal, Jere.”

 

Jeremy was wary, but he talked to a therapist about some of the things. 

Maybe there’s another layer of trauma that layered up in physical intimacy issues. Whoops?

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @transbrookelohst come tell me hcs pls........... im dying........


End file.
